6/5/2007

It's 9 days from today
Will be the 1st anniversary
(If everything didn't went wrong)







....why am I still not moving on?

Attached: Eternal Flame/Atomic Kitten

Eternity
This word came to life in front of my eyes.
This happened two days ago, when I saw an aged couple waiting to cross the road.
As it was the afterwork time, the road is pretty much filled with speeding cars.
I offered help to the old couple which was kindly turned down by the old man.
Moments later, the two of them strolled hand in hand crossing the road with some difficulty.
The husband felt the importance to protect his wife, even in his weak condition.
The incident had brought tears to my eyes, it did.

I've always envied the relationship of old couples that lasts for a lifetime.
Eventhough they were not given a chance to choose their partner, usually they ended up very much in love with each other till the edge of life.
The book I'm reading now, entitled The Gathering by Anne Enright, too, stressed on describing the love of her grandparents, that were still engaged in their world of love and care, at the age of 90s.
Nowadays the rate of divorce is so high that, someone once told me a total of 75% marriage will end up in seperation.
Being brought up in a divorced family, I have long forgotten what it felt like to see, trust and believe in eternity.

I may be exaggerating a lil bit too much, I may emphasize too much on eternal love. But,
Thank you God, for once again bringing back the feeling, the sense within the heart of a teenager that was lost for a long time.
Thank you God, for letting me witness such a heart warming scene, I truly do.

.................................

今早就去了裳坪家，老实说，心情极度的好。
到了GURNEY后，心情变了！
家雯问了问我，今天是干嘛？一整天脸臭臭？
我当时心情极度的差，因此不想回答，只是不停的说：我没有生气！

考试过后，我就在那儿PLAN几时要出去，要叫谁？真的很兴奋的！
哪知因为因为时间无法配和我们三个，而一直的改日期还是无法配合，结果还差一点儿就彼此心存介蹄，就快彼此不爽彼此了。所幸最后迎刃而解，征绘还是没有JOIN我们。没办法！
今天到了GURNEY后，我不明白是我讲话反应慢还是怎样，我每次在说话，还没说完，肯定有另的人插进来，她这一插就插了好长的一个对话。等她讲完后，我想继续我的对话，结果还是被打断！我肯定她不是故意的）一气之下，我就不想再讲！不讲时，别人又讲我脸臭臭。我无言。（不要问我为何不把我的不满说出来，我有我的理由。）

到了看戏时，我说了这段话：10000BC 制作很庞大，可是不好笑！
家雯：AMY 啊！我刚才看到你一直都很不耐烦。因为你对这出戏有偏见，所以才觉得不好看。Come on，why cant u just enjoy it？最多我download jumper 给你。
对，本来我的确不想看10000BC的，我要看JUMPER，可是经过萍金、亿珍、慧卿的一致赞同，我也想看了。 我进戏院时，我还蛮喜欢10000BC的，OK！既然你说我有偏见，那就有偏见咯！结果整出戏都因为我的偏见而不好看了。我看戏不可能静静的，我一定有很多小动作，可能这就变成我的不耐烦了。结果我更不想说话！

在厕所拍照时，家雯叫我也一起拍，我拒绝。她问了问：征绘在时，你都没有这样（臭着脸），为什么现在这样？
答：因为心情不好，所以不要拍，因为征绘在时，有人可以跟我讲话！I just dont like to be abandoned！Not that i dont want to join u gals， in fact， i m nt able to join in。

还有些事情，懒惰解释了。手酸了。我不大喜欢TYPE华文的，很慢。哪知自己英文不好，只好这样咯！
不过所有的事情都是我本身有问题，事情并不大，只是我把它弄成很大件事，可能我还未有足够的容忍之心吧！
我会尽量改善了。

我不解

有很多机会，错过了，就不会再来过。
也有很多事情，发生了，谁也淡忘不了。
伤口会痊愈，但却留下了伤疤。
那伤疤都在提醒着当时所承受的痛，更教会了我们要懂得保护自己，不要让自己受到伤害。
人永远都是自私的，差别只在于个人的自私程度。
有个人告诉我说，把自己的内心封锁起来，是保护自己的最佳方法，因为心灵的伤害比肉体的伤害来得痛，而且很难痊愈。
简单来说，就是做个假人！
如过真的有本事做到喜怒不容于色，不让人知道真实的你，我想你受伤的机会不高吧？人最擅长就是攻与心计。
也有人告诉我，如果真实的你会伤害到别人，那就做个虚假的你吧！
难道就是为了迎合别人，不要伤害别人，就伪装自己？
又或许知道自己的言语、意见、不满会伤害到那人而选择不说吗？
还是把自己对她/他的不满选择以另一种方式奉还给她/他？
课本说的对，世上最宽阔的是海洋，比海洋宽阔的是天空，比天空宽阔的是胸怀。
难道原谅、宽容一个人的错误有那么难吗？
非得时时刻刻提醒、记着那人曾经犯的错不可吗？
你们几是才能学会宽容啊？
我不解。
Thing doesn’t go right nearly，out of my expectation， just turn upside down…..
sorry....

How can I make this private?

The past few weeks had been a total 360 degrees spin for me. Seems like its only filled with anger, disappointment, humiliation, pressure, pain and friendship trouble. And not to mention I was scolded as a pig during examination. Its hurts to type this out, but as I promised to J, if I don't type out I'm gonna have a total mental breakdown anytime. Duh how I wish I could just went back to 4 years 2 months ago to turn back time and fix all the mistakes I've done through out my secondary education. And yes, I am now suffering the consequnces, indeed been suffering for the past 2 years, of those individuals who were hurt deeply my harsh words and blunt comments. And for the past two weeks, I received real pay back. Oh how I wish I would just die of humiliation. How would you feel to have your best friends saying you're a spendrift person? Or calling you a pig? Or making a statement of what you did whom you hurt and trying to do the same thing to you?

And when it comes to a friendship of 3 friends that had gone a long way since then(I'm just telling a story), they started tearing apart each other's life. Friend A don't likes Friend B, Friend A complaint to Friend C, secretly Friends B and C dislike Friend A, one day Friend B reports to Friend A... And that will be the day the friends are no longer friends anymore. They began to backstab each other, and as time passed, they cant believing in each other anymore, they grew apart, and poof! The whole BFF thing is gone.

Talk about humiliation, when I was in library today, something which I've only seen in TV happened to me, in real life. As I was in the dark corner of the library, Abg walked past me with Prsc. About two steps from my seat, of which I saw them through the reflection of book case's mirror. P said to Ab, "You know what? I just asked Ms. Lim..she said none of us failed in add maths..well except for..kkw...*giggles*"
And guess what, I just can't pretend nothing happened. She turned around and saw me. For you, Prsc, ever heard of the phrase sorry no cure? Your apologize just wont work for me, thank you very much. And I can't deny that my results suck this term, as I still haven't take any tuition then, thank you very much again. I'm gonna prove to, not just you, but to all those around me who's willing to show some care...that you won't see me failing anymore. And one more thing, prepare yourself, God won't let you get away with this easily either.


Fellow readers of this post, pologize from me, if you find this post out of sequence. I believed its is hard to understand and my language skill is totally out of order today. I'm sorry. I just can't take it anymore. How I wished I can just cry into my pillows.

『施舍』

新年前的数日，对面组屋来了两位印藉小男孩，自称是要买我家的那架老铁马。
来了两趟后，妈咪她被打动了，在孩子们假惺惺的推辞下，把陪伴了我四年中学生涯的脚车，送了出去。
我…看不过这一切
两栋组屋相隔如此远，对于两个小男孩，会闲得去看谁家的脚车出售？
小男孩们以需要骑车到学校为借口，却在两日后让我碰见他们在尝试拆散零件。
在加上，小男孩以买主身份前来，为啥没有开价的企图？而妈咪决定送他们时，为啥他们又要求多多？
看不过…并不是因为金钱问题，在于她被骗了，不值。
要我当成施舍？好难。

今天，不愉快的情人节，单身度过还算好，更遭的事在后头…
组别练习前，突然朋友递来了个钱包，说是我掉了。
那时好奇怪，明明我就没走到那儿，为什么钱包会掉落在那？
过后才发觉，里边的$十五，不翼而飞了。
嫌疑犯，自己应心知肚明。
我就弄不懂，作为一个小学生，难道家长供给的零用钱真的不够吗？
这也难怪，这叛逆期的臭小子，一天能吃如此多的冰淇淋，相比钱就是这样找来？
亿珍说，天网恢恢，疏而不漏？
你以为，偷了一笔小财，又幸逃过这一截，就一辈子不会被发觉了吗？
我这人可是很有耐心的，有天，你上中学了，小祸酿成大祸，届时我会大笑！
天有眼，你终有一天会为你的所作所为，付上一辈子都无法挽回的代价！
而今天的事，就当作是我为你这小人，作出的施舍，我呸！

如果

今天，当妹妹在完成老师所给的作文时，好奇的去看看那作文题目~如果我有三个愿望。
妹妹好像很喜欢这题目，写了好多~~真是异想天开。
想起以前的作文题目,
~如果我是位百万富翁
~如果我是位老师
~如果我是位科学家
~如果我是位母亲/父亲
如果........如果....

Haiz...
我本身不喜欢这类题目。
既不实际，又不虚幻。
那些所谓的如果可能会实现，也可能不会。
谁又懂明天回怎样。

谁不知道如果？
~如果早知道今天XXX队会在那球塞胜出，我就会买那队赢啦！
~如果知道他是那么的狡猾，我当初就不会相信他啦！
~如果晓得考试会出这题目，我回家就多读这类的题目了！
这类是自私的如果，只会一味的为自己着想。
自私不是错，人不为己，天诛地灭！
只要在自私的当儿，没有危及他人利益，
我本身觉得那并没有错！

~如果人人都懂知足，那该多好啊？
~如果每个人都怀着感激之心，世界就会变得更美好。
~如果儿女都懂得孝顺，那身为父母的大可老来安怀了。
这是幻想的如果。幻想的如果本来就难实现了。
那何必还要去做这假设性的构思呢？

如果这.......如果那......
然而一切都只是如果...
与其在那儿做出假设性，倒不如做出些行动，那不是更实际吗？

Whats the big deal after all?

Taken from Chia yi"s blog

our physics teacher

joce phone me early in the morning....
juz to inform me that she is going to wear club t-shirt with pinafold to tution cauz it wont be as hot as wearing uniform...

wat my respond is....

HUH?? T-shirt wo...doesnt it should b hotter???and did the school allowed??

then she phone jin ling, ai yin phone her....

finally decide...

wear ordinary uniform...

kindda swt...

discuss dis small stuff for so long....

walk to the tution as usual...
haha.....
soon realise dat only our class students wearing uniform....
kindda incomfortable....
wakaka.....



fter taking my report book (nothing to be surprise as we have already know our position in the class and the whole form before the holiday, just the school want us to take our report bok during the holiday. haiz, give us trouble nia)...
hehe..
soon realise dat i absent for the school for 4 days...
and all not because of sick but ponteng for my exam preparation...
kindda proud as i din absent cauz of sick for the whole year...
and i fully attend for school after the exam which i usually wont...
wakaka...

Later...
having our physics extra class....
and i think most of us really nt in good mood..
seems like only a few ppl paying attention during the lesson...
at the end of the lesson....
all of us take the photograph wif the phy teacher..
as he is not going to teach us next year (went to Kedah, i think)....
anyway..
what i can say here is..
he is really a good teacher....
at least he is willing to teach us again and again till we understand after scool(beyond his working hours)....
kindda kind rite???
thx to him..
my phy at least show improvement ~~I am totally not trying to bodek the teacher or whatsoever ya and I think all that I mentioned above are true and comes straight from my heart...

and finally..
sellfish to say..
i really hope there will be a great and experienced teacher for phy and bio...
and i honestly believe that..
next year will definitely be a hard year for me...
all the best every one...

p/s i updating this on 2 am, cauz i slip from 5pm till 11pm after taking flu medicine, mum tell me that i m going to be crazy if i continue like that...weird ppl...

lolz...whatever....

i mean...

whats the big deal after all??

Bad day

tommorrow wil b my year end holiday ad...
i usually b happy 4 d last few years during dis time.....
bt....
i really hate today...

every unhappy things happen...
friends gonna leave me...
teachers will not be teaching us next year....
and sth happen too....
all come at once..
unbelievable...
hw am i going to face it????
tiring....

maybe i shouldnt grow up...
and juz b a kids forever...
at least i dont need 2 face all those thgs..
I HATE IT!!!!!

Catching the wrong sight

我目睹了一件, 我不该发现的事,
天知地知, 你应不知我知..
躲得了一时, 也躲不了一生
这样下去等于是你自己步入沼泽
泥足深陷, 等到你想回头时, 也许太迟了吧?
朋友, 别再让自己堕落下去了
看着你这样, 我们都不好受的
尽早回头, 好吗?

疗伤的心

不欲放弃, 却无从下手
又或是说, 再也没办法挽留这段没结果的感情了
问题的存在, 不在于没被发觉, 而是你我都不肯面对
残酷的结论..我无法订下
再这样拖延下去, 又能维持多久?
一周.. 一个月.. 一年?
写出来, 你也看不懂, 而我更没勇气说出口
我选择放弃, 好吗?

Tension????

Recently...
many of my friends gv me an advice n ask me nt to b so tension during d exam week....
dun nervouus.....
b more self confident....
etc...

emm...
yaya..
i admit dat i really quite tension nearly.....
bt i din make it so obvious, did i????
i mean everybody feel pressure n tension during d exam rite???
so...
i m still considered normal rite???
compete for improvement..
try harder for wat bez thgs u wan....
dat is wat life is...

anyway..
all d bez to those hu taking exam....
gambateh..

Why Not Me?????

Juz come back frm d add maths ttn..
Pressure n headache....
Juz 1 simple concept....
Still cnt get it....
Dunno hu is d 1 hu invent add maths dis subject....
Make many ppl, of coarse including me suffer....
Sobx....

By d way....
All those form 3 gals hv fns their pmr....
congratulation....
my cousin even send me d testi 2 tell me dis fact....
haiz....
really wish dat i could b one of them...
then i cn go shopping, watch tv play games, on9 everyday....
bt....
seems my dream wont come true....

In the blink of an eye

Check out Mei's reply in:
http://secretopposite2034785.blogspot.com/2007/09/comment-to-my-buddy.html

Witnessing the happening of two trial/exam today, it makes me realize, time passed away real fast, just in a blink of an eye!
As my memory flashed back to 4 years back, when I was still taking my UPSR exam..
A year ago, as I was taking my trial exam for PMR at this time of the year..
It’s unbelievable that I’m going to graduate in less than 2 years time!!
By the end of next year, all our friends will go their separate ways, where decisions have to be made; which some will be in college, some in Form6, minority working..and so so..
It makes me wonder, will we still be each other’s best friends by then? Or will we be strangers after all?
Like what my mum always says, seeing me is like the copied version of sis 4 years back.
Is that really true of what she said? Will I really be like my sis now 4 years later?
Will I be as hardworking, as successful as her??

4 years..everything and anything can indeed happen in this short period of time..
In the mean time, I guess everybody should enjoy their youth! Nevertheless..its always fun to be a gina!!
As for the future, neither you nor I can predict what’s going to happen, but remember, that our future lies in our hand, so appreciate your chance to decide your own bright future!!

Sis and I are 4 years-young apart.

Can you tell the difference??

Headache bout my language paper

after recess.....
my chinese teacher...
was oso my form teacher.....
enter d class once d bell ring...
luckily i m earlier than her...
or else..
sure gt scolded d....

dunno wats d reason oso...
suddenly ask geraldine "cn v dun take chinese, dis subject in SPM?"
i m juz wondering....
of corse i noe dat hw cn dis happen since i am studying in a chinese skul???
bt dat paper is so hard 2 score u noe????
always gt dissapointed when i c my result.....
i hvnt gt such marks for chinese b4 d.....
unfortunately....
dat wei yun (a very disturbing gal bt cute)
heard our conversation.....
n tell my chinese teacher....
omg....
i was so scared dat tym..
wondering wat will b her response when she heard dat.....
she din scold me (thx god)....
bt started 2 tell d whole class bout hw important chinese was....
n all d real stories bout her students.....
she nearly use d whole period.....
din expect dat will happen.....
bt wat she say.....
"以前做学生时,还真的不知道什么是心痛?
成了老师后,听到华校生居然说要放弃华文,
才明白什么是心痛.....
要怪就怪自己当初傻乎乎的爱着华文咯......"

suddenly gt a weird feeling.....
duno hw 2 describe oso....
after dat....
when i went 2 office 2 gv all those permission slip 2 miss Leng.....
my chinese teacher talk 2 me....
ask me d reason y i suddenly ask dat....
n after a quite long conversation....
after wat she told me, advised me.....
feel so ashame 2 myself.....
haiz....
wat cn i do nw??????????
besides putting more effort on it...
i m gonna die nw....
all my language paper(malays,english n chinese) were so weak....
hw am i going 2 score in d next exam....
which is juz 2 months later.....
help!!!!!!!!!!

Of all the Ups and Downs in Life, I find peace in here.

I just come to realise that, I write long blogs.
And I mean, real long blogs, not just the longest among us 3 admins, but after compared to others too..
So, for those who can't stand reading long blogs, don't bother to read mine, check out ~Little Happy~'s and ~jocelyn~'s.

As what I'm always saying, a lot has been happening these days..yet I can't make out what actually happened.
Perhaps its my lack of patience to describe everything that happened in my life? Or I'm too frustrated by the challenges in life?
Yeah..sure everyone is facing the same trouble, and I know I'm not alone in this, but wouldn't it be better if I can just share it with someone else?
烦恼一经说出来以后, 就减轻了许多, 却找不到一个可以倾诉的对象:
关系太疏远, 明知道他不会了解你, 宁愿不谈;
关系太密切, 不但不能谈烦恼, 还需把烦恼隐藏起来。
That's why, in the end, what I did most of the time, I'll be turning back to my collection of diary in my PC, or, this blog.

Enough with my nonsense naggings and blabberings.
Actually I would like to use this oppurtunity to thank our Bio teacher, Mr. V.Khor here. (God this sounds formal! Yikes!)
Representing 2 other admins of this blog, I'm showing my highest gratitude to you. Thanks for the good teaching and your interesting power point slides.
And, what's most important is, I am really listening to what the teacher's teaching, despite what I usually did in Ms.Loo's class - chatting with Joce.
I may not be the most active in class..neither being the smart ones le.g Amy in class, but at least I do show some improvement in my Bio paper..and I certainly won't forget what you drew on my tet paper! (Lolz!)
One more thing..I am totally not trying to bodek the teacher or whatsoever. And I think all that I mentioned above are true and comes straight from my heart.
And lastly, we hope that Mr. Khor will enjoy his study and have a bright future!

Teacher finally take action le

haiz......
so sad.....
my form teacher, pn Lee.....
in d first period suddenly told us she is gonna change our seat in d class.....
due 2 too many teacher complain bout us......
din pay attention during d lessons.....
n i noe i m 1 of dat.....
b4 d skul dismiss.....
haha....
so surprise dat pn lee din change my seat...
bt...
she change d ppl besides me ~ gwen n geraldine.....
sobx sobx....

Wei Yun is nw sitting beside me....
she is really a funny gal..
n like 2 disturb me a lot.....
nw i noe wats joce feeling when wei yun is sitting beside her......
unfortunately.....
d whole group beside me (right hand side) like d fan SO much.....
dats y i think i shuld buy a hair pin asap...

by d way.....
gwen is nw sitting beside joce....
n they sit near angie n chai ling.....
so lucky......

Penang's Most Expensive School Gate

Went to Joce's house in Paya Terubong today, and met this little 'devil'..lolz

Introducing Joce's bro, 王征进 (am i right?), 13 years old, CLHS student, anyone wish to know him please contact Joce, not me. Haha.

Anyway, on my way go and back from her house, I saw this newly built (not exactly new but I just got the chance to see it) MBS school front gate.

Well...it makes me think of.....KINDERGARDEN!!

I mean..the school built a brand new hall last year, the colourful one, had made a huge fuss among its students..

Well..that was when I heard the students said the school looks like kindergarden..

But today..seeing this kiddy school gate, worth more than RM10 000(huge amount of $), makes me wonder...is it worth to build Penang's most expensive school gate that looks so childish??

(Sorry I didn't get a photo of the gate!!)

He's Amy's!! XD

Anyone wants to know him??

Changes bring Sadness

There's been a lot of changes happening these days..
Sometimes..changes bring sadness too..
Zhian is leaving 4S1..in order to be in her dream stream 4P3.
Though she's leaving for the sake of her own (after holidays) , which means she's still in our school, but it did saddens our classmates..few of them cried too..
Sometimes it makes me wonder..why did my school just wont allow us to be in the right stream we're suppose to be..which we chose at the end of last year after PMR?
Few of us put in a lot of effort to persuade our teachers to let us be in arts stream, but did that work?
And look how much time she wasted before getting her transfer..8 months, 2 tests and 1 exam!
If the school approve her application earlier..would she still suffer for this 8 long, hard months?
Perhaps students like us..will just have to do as what the Form Teacher said:

No matter how hard it is, you will still have to go through this 2 years, proved
to yourself that you can be good in science, and you'll be free afterwards!

For Zhian, I'm wishing you all the best of luck in your new class and classmates, may you achieve what you've been longed for.
Losing you meant a lot as you've always been the one to cheer up the class, we'll miss you and I appreciate our friendship a lot.
As for others, try your best in everything, bear in mind that, 1 year 4 months later, we'll gain our freedom to focus on our fave subjects in Form 6!

Note: 4S1 students are holding a farewell for Zhain in Queensbay Mall on 25 Aug (Sat), with activites such as watching movie, hanging out and skating. Those classmates who are interested please support this outing!!

~Sweet 16~

Who drew this??

Taking photo using laptop screen..lolz

Sis's compaq laptop

It's my birthday!!

So so so excited now..I'm so touched having all these great best friends and friends..

Thank you girls for making my day!!

Specially dedicating my thanks to:

~ My fellow wives Joce, Amy, Angie

~ My classmates who sang me bday song (It's quite embarassing though)

~ Gang from chinese orchestra Mun Ee, Shu Ying, Chee Hong

~ Ang Ang..thanks for playing the song in erhu!!

~ Pianists Munchy (and Ang)..your piano skill rocks!!

~ Last but not least..hubby lorr XD

Anyway..

Received my Bio paper today..

Check out what Bio teacher did to my cutie drawing (Yikes!)

Very artistic kononnya..lolz

CDK Red Cresent Society will be having marching competition for F1-F3 members..

Cross my fingers wish that everything will turn out well..seriously hoping that..I'll post further details tomorrow.

FPA will be having some activities too..it's too bad I can't go ;(

For those who are interested:

Activities: How To Make Cappucino (Demonstration and DIY)

Talks On Careers and Suicide ( I think..)

Venue: Penang FPA Centre (Perak Road, behind Temple opposite Fire Brigate)

Time: 10am-12pm

It's free of charge...do support!